Wreck
by wscaster
Summary: This is another part of my Damage Control series, this one is told from Tony's point of view. This is where his life has led him, if only they knew.....
1. Early Life

Sometimes his life just plain sucked. No two ways about it.

When people looked at him they very rarely saw him. They saw what they wanted to see, or what he wanted them to see.

Don't get him wrong, he never out right lied to them, he was truly terrible at lying, but showing half truths or leaving out important information about himself and his past was something that he had become expert at over the past thirty something years of his life.

To a lot of people looking in at his life he'd had it made. He came from money, went to good schools, did all the right things, the right activities, he had it easy, had things handed to him, didn't have to try to get what he wanted, got top grades at school, had lots of friends.

But looks can be deceptive.

He'd learned early to hide the bruises or evidence of physical injury, to hide what he was feeling from those around him. Sure he occasionally slip and reveal something from his past or some emotion would slip out that he hadn't been fast enough to hide from those around him, but he'd learned how to make light of it or evade the questions that would follow and change the track of the conversation without answering the other peoples questions.

He'd also learned at an early age that the only person that he could truly rely on, to trust, was himself. People left you, hurt you, could turn against you, ignore you. Fail you.

In the grand scheme of things he had no illusions as to where he stood. Anthony DiNozzo did not matter. Hell, he'd been an accident, his parents hadn't wanted children, especially not at the time he'd come along. They had been enjoying the high life that they were leading. They went to different parties every night, weekend trips to exotic locations whenever they felt the urge to up and go, a business that was making millions of dollars every day, and enough influence to get just about anything they wanted from whoever they wanted.

To be fair his mother had done her best to love her baby, to show him he was loved, but then when he was six his mother had died in a car accident. Well the official report had been that it was an accident, but he'd always had doubts about it.

One of the last things his mother had done had been to decorate his bedroom in Louis XV style, canopy bed and all. The room had given him nightmares, but he'd learned quickly not to let his parents know when he'd had one. The nightmares were easier to handle and hide than the results of his father finding out.

His father had never failed to let him know exactly how he felt. He made sure that Anthony knew that he was nothing more than a mistake, one that never failed to disappoint or anger. Made it known that his behaviour was not appropriate, his grades not good enough, his friends not socially elite enough, his actions not appropriate.

Hell, when his father had been between marriages/girlfriends and he'd been unable to find alternate care for his son and he'd been forced to take him along he'd forgotten him, and had only realised what he'd done when he'd gotten the room service bill, or a call from the hotel. The worst part of that had been that it had happened not once, not even twice but four times by the time that Tony was ten.

By the time that he was twelve his father had made it clear that Anthony DiNozzo did not meet his standards for a son, and unless he changed his ways he would not be getting anything from him.

The last straw had been when he'd chosen not to go to Harvard or one of the other Ivy League colleges but Ohio State on a Sports Scholarship, his father had disowned him and told him not to bother ever asking him for anything ever again.

Not that Tony had to ask his father for money, he had several trust funds that had been set up for him by his grandparents, an uncle and his mother that his father could not touch. He had access to the first one at eighteen, which meant that even without his scholarship he didn't need to apply for student loans or work his way through school. He ended up doing a double major of Physical Education and Criminology. Though whenever asked what he'd done at college he'd only say he'd done the Physical Education, and unless pushed would never admit that he'd graduated near the top of his class.


	2. Working Life

He'd been taught to never place all his eggs in one basket, always have a back up plan in case one venture didn't play out the way he'd wanted. It was a lesson that he'd learned well from his father, and it was one that he still practised to this day. Always have something to fall back on.

Along the way he'd learned to read people, find out what they wanted, to figure out what they were looking for, whether it be a friend, lover or threat and then he'd give them what they were looking for. He'd learned the art of being a chameleon, showing the person what they wanted to see or what he needed them to see to get him what he wanted, though that was a skill that he was to utilise more as a cop than in his personal life.

He'd thought about going pro for either basketball or football after college but that hadn't panned out due to an injury during his final year, so he'd decided to turn to his other major as a career choice and had joined the police.

He didn't actually need to work, but he'd always been active and found that he enjoyed the added stimulation that work provided. He chose to work not because he needed the money to live, but because he wanted to.

He'd loved the challenges that he faced, loved the job, and the people that he could help. For the first time he felt that he was doing something good. Things had gone well for him for just over a year, until someone had found out who his father was, some of his colleagues hadn't reacted well to this information and had acted out, giving him a hard time, harassing him about working when he didn't need to. He'd put up with it for a few months before his Captain became aware of the harassment and spoken to him, had tried to help. But it hadn't worked, and after being with Peoria for 2 years his Captain had helped him to get a transfer.

His next job had gone much the same way, he'd made detective and had loved the new challenges that he was given, the crimes that he had to solve had captivated his mind, and he found that he had a talent for undercover work that he enjoyed. But once again his past came out and he was moving on again, but this time he didn't wait for the harassment to escalate to the levels it had been at Peoria. He heard about a position in Baltimore Homicide and applied for it. With the letters of recommendation he had gotten from both of his Captains and his interview he hadn't had any problems getting his new job.

And that was where he had stayed for just under two years. The crimes he had to solve were often grizzly, and showed him what man could do to man. The people he worked with were good, but some of them were hard to get along with, had spent too much time dealing with the low life scum that they had to put away and had become jaded with people and life in general. His partner was older than him and probably should have transferred out of homicide years before but was now staying until he retired in a few more years. He often did things his own way and paid little attention to Tony's ideas and suggestions until he'd proved that they were the right ideas and they were about to close the case. However he was not without his good side, he did give credit where it was due, and had a lot of knowledge that he passed on.


	3. Endings and New Beginnings

The first time he had met Gibbs he was coming up on being with the Baltimore PD for nearly two years, and he'd been thinking that it was time to move on again. He'd enjoyed the challenges that being a homicide cop had given him, but his superiors had started hinting about promotions and giving him more responsibilities, which never sat well with him. His father had long ago drummed into him that he was useless, that he shouldn't be trusted with any responsibility, that he'd in fact end up in the gutter one day. So when his supervisors starting making noises he started packing, he'd rather leave than disappoint them, or prove his father right.

He'd learned the hard way that when some people learned that he came from money their attitudes towards him changed, some would give him a hard time, others would think that he'd simply bought his way into the job and his position. Others still just saw him as a spoiled rich kid who shouldn't be there, and was wasting their time by turning up to work each day, what could he possibly know about being a victim, or what motivated people to commit crimes. For those who didn't know him already when they found out about the money or heard some of the stories that were floating around the PD about him they often chose to simply believe what they saw on the surface without looking at what lay beneath. Sometimes it made his job harder other times it made it easier when getting the information that he needed to solve the case.

But from the moment that Gibbs had first laid eyes on him he knew that Gibbs had seen straight through the mask that he'd been wearing. The fact that Gibbs had then gone on to insist that he deal with Tony had shocked him. He was used to being overlooked or even dismissed by most people.

The case had been a triple homicide that had involved drugs and weapons that had been stolen from the navy, hence NCIS' involvement, that and the dead marine that is. Before they'd known about the weapons link to the navy he and his partner had been working with another team, he'd been glad when Gibbs had told his captain exactly what he thought of the other team, as difficult as his own partner could be at times at least he knew that Anderson would back him up when he needed it, Warren and Sinclair he had no illusions about. Warren had a chip on his shoulder, he'd taken an instant dislike to Tony and when he'd found out about Tony he'd done everything he could to make it as difficult for him as he could. In truth Warren reminded him a little of his father, he hated to be ignored or pushed aside, which is exactly what Gibbs had done, until just before they finished the case when Gibbs had reportedly ripped Warren and his partner a new one in the middle of the bullpen and had then proceeded to get them both suspended for a week.

Ok, so the undercover operation hadn't gone exactly to plan, and it had been largely because of Warren, but they had closed the case, arrested the bad buys and given the families some closure. That was all that really mattered in his books. And yeah he'd had to spend four days in hospital and another week at home, but it wasn't like it was the first time he'd spent time in hospitals, god he hated hospitals, and at least that time it had been for a good cause. He could live with that.

He had enjoyed working with Gibbs and his team for that week and had been a little disappointed that they had closed the case. He hadn't expected to see him again unless the case went to court. But he'd woken up some time during his second night in the hospital to find the older man quietly sitting in a chair by his bed, reading by the dull night light that was on in the room. To say that he was surprised would have been an understatement, to find out that Gibbs was actually there to offer him a job had been totally mind blowing.


	4. Life at NCIS

So in under a month of meeting Gibbs his life had changed again, and this time if had been for the better. He'd learned quickly that Gibbs didn't suffer fools, he only worked with the best and expected the best from all those he worked with. He'd pushed the boundaries, finding out what the limits were, and found himself quickly feeling like he'd finally found what he'd been looking for. He'd found a place where he belonged, and it felt damn good.

He didn't take it for granted, he worked hard at making sure that he had what Gibbs wanted quickly, worked hard to smooth the way when his Boss ruffled feathers along the way, and learned that his opinions counted and were valued.

People came and went from Gibbs team, some left willingly, sometimes for promotions other times for other agencies, others were shuffled out of the office or even on a few occasions NCIS. Gibbs had one hell of a reputation as one of the best investigators, and those who stood the distance within his team, those who he trained tended to be highly sought after by other agencies. He commanded respect no matter what he doing or saying. If Gibbs spoke those around him listened.

Tony couldn't believe that he had been offered the opportunity to work with and learn from him, and the longer he spent with the man the more grateful he was.

Within an hour of starting his new job he'd been introduced to both Abby and Ducky. He'd known almost instantly that they would become important to him and he'd been surprised that they had been so accepting of him, Abby had greeted him with a hug that had left him breathless, and Ducky had put him at ease with a smile and a story.

At the time he'd thought that that was simply how those two greeted new people, but over the years he'd learned that he was an exception rather than the rule. Some got the cold shoulder, some were conditionally welcomed, others were shown exactly why they didn't belong there. He'd asked them both why they'd made him feel so welcome when he started, but neither would give him an answer. Abby had simply enveloped him in another breath steeling bear hug and Ducky had smiled and told him another story.

His first two years at NCIS had been action packed and full on. The team was constantly changing and after six months on Gibbs team he was promoted to Gibb's Senior Field Agent. Though he suspected it had more to do with the fact that he was still there after his predecessor left, he'd only lasted in the position for six months before he'd requested a transfer, than any real talent on his part. New team members came and went quickly, those who were transferred onto the team by the director tended to last only a few months, others that Gibbs hand picked tended to last longer, before being offered other positions that were too good to pass up.

They had had a variety of cases to solve which at first he'd found a little overwhelming, they investigated everything from theft to murder to abuse and terrorism and at times they had more than one case at a time, taking them down different tracks. But the longer he spent at NCIS the easier it was to jump from one track to another.

When Gibbs had hired Vivienne Blackadder he'd been intrigued. She was FBI, and had spent most of her time, during their first meeting, arguing about what evidence to follow. It had turned out that she had been wrong, but the right path had become apparent because of her as well. Tony had been a little surprised when she'd turned up at their headquaters a week later to start work. But she'd settled onto their team well enough, and things had seemed to be working until they got the case of Lt. Singers murder. From the moment that they arrived on the scene Vivienne seemed to question everything she was told to do, and from there it only went down hill. When they found out about the terrorist that had been captured her focus had shifted, and Tony had watched as everything else came a distant second, including their murder case. When Gibbs had been sent to interigate the terrorist, he'd been proud that he'd been left in charge. Ok so it hadn't been the first time that Gibbs had left him in charge, but this time had been different, the case that they thought to be rapped up had taken a sharp turn, and Gibbs had left him in charge to unravel it, to find the real killer. And for one of the first times he hadn't been afraid to step up to the responsibility, he'd embraced it and had been determined to show Gibbs that he'd been right in his choice.

Then Gibbs had conferenced with them and told him to solve the case, as if he had no doubt that Tony would solve it, and then as they were leaving Gibbs had called him back saying that he needed him. The realisation that Gibbs trusted him, the Gibbs relied on him had made him feel warm, and the fact that Gibbs had trusted his opinion made him want to try harder to keep proving that Gibbs was right to trust him.

They had wasted no time in getting the operation in order once he and Viv had arrived on the carrier. The operation had come together easily with their team working together with other agencies to get the job done. That was one of the things that Tony really appreciated about Gibbs, it was the ability to get the job done and not be concerned about who got the credit and glory for it. It was something that he himself strongly agreed with. After all his father had taught him that he wasn't important in the bigger picture so why should he worry about things like credit and glory.

Things had gone well, until they were getting ready to move. He hadn't been close enough to do anything but watch the operation go to hell. He'd seen Viv give them away and he'd cursed, she was there because he'd told her to come with him. Gibbs had asked for him to come, and bring whoever he thought they'd need. The fact that it had been Viv that had blown the operation weighed heavily on him. When he saw the explosion his heart had stopped. He knew that Gibbs had been up there when it went off and his first thought hadn't been about the mission going to hell, but had been him praying that Gibbs was alive and well. He had found his place in the world and he wasn't ready to give it up yet. Not by a long shot.

Gibbs had survived, a little bruised but alive. They had stopped the act of terrorism, but the terrorist that they had been after was dead, and they couldn't question a dead person. There was no way to find out what other plans he had had, not now and probably not until they were carried it out. Tony felt that he was ultimately responsible for this. If he hadn't brought Viv with them, then maybe things would have turned out differently.

What had shocked him had been when Gibbs had spoken to him on their flight back to headquaters. Gibbs had taken the time to make sure that Tony had known that Gibbs didn't blame him for what had gone wrong. He'd taken time to make sure that Tony knew that he was all right, and that Tony was all right. He hadn't spoken to Viv the entire trip back, and they both knew that no words from Gibbs was not a good thing. But he couldn't feel sorry for her, she had stuffed up, let her emotions and need for revenge to take control and it had cost them. As they had been leaving the plan upon arriving home, Gibbs had spoken quietly, telling Viv that she no longer had a place on his team, or a job at NCIS.

Tony had always known that Gibbs didn't suffer fools. Had seen it time and time again. But this had been the first time that he'd seen Gibbs feeling let down. He had chosen Vivienne to join his team, had thought that she had what it took, but he'd been wrong. It wasn't something that you saw every day. In fact it was something that you never saw. But he also knew that Gibbs had given her a chance, had spoken to her to make sure that she could do this job, this operation, and she'd insisted that she could. And she hadn't been able to. Tony knew that if she had admited that she may have had a problem, that she couldn't have handled it then Gibbs would have taken her off the case, but kept her on his team.

After Viv had left, more agents had come and gone. Again some had been hand selected, others appointed. None had stayed long and had left for various reasons. But still Gibbs had made sure that Tony knew that he was trusted, and after the disaster of the operation he'd worked even harder to live up to the trust that Gibbs had placed in him.

Things had generally been good, they had the best solve rate in the agency, were often called on to help other teams and agencies. His sense of belonging kept growing. For the first time that he could remember he wasn't looking over his shoulder, or looking for anything else. He was happy.


	5. Kate

Then they got a case on Air Force One that had led them to Kate. At the time their team was down to just him and Gibbs, but that was ok, he liked that, they worked well together. For some reason Kate made him feel a little insecure, something he hadn't felt since he'd joined NCIS, but he ignored it, flirted with her, played with her and continued to work on the case, working quickly and efficiently. He'd worked quickly with Ducky while Gibbs kept Kate busy. They'd solved that case, with a few laughs, and a few bruises from his trip on the beltway with the FBI. Then Gibbs had offered her a job.

The dynamics of the team had changed when she joined them. Most people wouldn't have seen it, but he knew it. Kate didn't get the warm welcome that he'd gotten, but it had been warmer than most of the others that he'd seen since he'd been there. He liked her, she was intelligent and friendly, but like most people she took him as he appeared and didn't look any deeper at him. When she found out that his major had been Physical Education she had pretty much laughed at him, and then went on to treat him like a typical jock, which had hurt, but he was used to it.

He didn't know what happened to change her opinion of him but he suspected that it might have had something to do with Abby. Kate had been ignoring him as usual when Gibbs had sent her down to check on what Abby had, when she'd come back, sans report, she had actually talked to him and then listened to what he had to say. He wasn't sure how to take it at first, but then decided to just go with it.

It took a little while for things to settle down again, for him to feel secure again. When he realised that he had been feeling threatened by Kate he had been shocked, never before had he worried about being replaced by someone, in fact he usually felt as if he were marking time till someone better came along. It had taken Gibbs reminding him that he trusted Tony for him to realise that there was no threat there, that Gibbs wasn't trying to replace him with her, but simply filling out their team to better solve the cases that they were investigating. Once he'd realised that he relaxed and he'd started trying to find out more about her.

They had gotten a case, not long after Kate had joined them, about a marine who died during a night training parachute jump. He'd always wondered why people would want to jump out of a perfectly safe plane, had been curious about it. But when he'd seen them training for jumping he'd wanted to try it. He'd even taken the opportunity to get a little of the basic training for jumping in while getting information from the men and women there. When Gibbs had walked passed and told him to get back to work he'd thought that that had been the end of it. It wasn't, the case had taken a turn and they had decided that the only way that they would be able to close the case was to get a confession out of Corporal Dapplemeir. He didn't know how far Gibbs had been willing to push it, but he had no doubts that he'd get that confession, and he trusted Gibbs without question.

The last thing he'd expected when they had boarded the plane was that he wouldn't be landing with it. When the warning alarm had gone off to let them know it was almost jump time he and Gibbs had gotten up with the others, as if ready to jump, the bait had been laid, and he'd been fairly certain that they'd get the confession, he trusted Gibbs, knew he was one of the best at interrogations. When Dapplemire had asked about a deal he knew that Gibbs had once again succeeded. He'd just moved in to read him his rights when the argument had broken out.

It had happened so fast, to fast really. One second he'd been reading the corporal his rights then the next second he was fighting a loosing battle to hold onto anything, to stay inside the plane, but he'd been pushed and bumped and in the end nothing would have stopped him from being pushed out. The rush had been exhilarating, just as he'd been told. He'd been scared out of his wits at first, praying that his shoot would open, the realisation that he had in fact fallen out of a plane, in the middle of the night, with the ground rushing up at him. Then his shute had opened and he felt the jerk of his fall being slowed and he hadn't been able to stop himself yelling with joy.

It was such a rush, and then he'd had to land. And it had hurt. A lot.

He'd landed awkwardly, alone in the middle of a field somewhere. He had laid there for a time wondering just how he was supposed to find his way home. This hadn't been in their plans, not even a blip on their plans, but here he was. Alone, again. He'd laughed at that, he always seemed to end up alone in the dark. He knew that he'd twisted his ankle, which would make walking painful, but not impossible, but which way to head. He'd been about to start limping, in any direction, when he saw a light in the distance. It had been a search party that Gibbs had sent out for him. The rush of the jump had defiantly worn off by then, and all that remained was the pain and cold that had seeped into him.

When he'd gotten back to the office he'd been asked what it was like by Kate and Abby. He'd told them that it was a blast, but he'd made sure that he hid the fact that he'd been hurt from them. He knew that Abby would worry and he didn't want that, but he also knew that Kate would make fun of him, the jock that had been injured while jumping, he wasn't sure how Gibbs would have reacted, ok well he knew that Gibbs would be concerned, order him to get Ducky to check him out, but he knew how to look after a twisted ankle, hell one of his majors had been Physical Education, and you didn't do that without learning how to look after basic injuries that went with it. So he'd waited, made sure that all the paper work was done, said good bye to everyone as they left. All except for Gibbs. He'd tried to wait him out as well, had watched the 11 o'clock news to see if they'd made the headlines or not, but still Gibbs had continued working at his desk. Finally he'd admitted defeat, he knew that he had to get home and take care of his ankle soon otherwise he'd be paying for it for weeks to come, so he'd sucked it up and said good night to Gibbs and hobbled out of the office.

All in all he'd been glad that he'd jumped, or been pushed really, he'd done it and survived. The rush had been great, and he'd learned how NOT to land. But having done it once was enough, he didn't think he'd be lining up to do it again, unless another of their cases led him back there, but he couldn't see that happening any time soon, not with the variety of cases that they had to solve.

Their next big case had involved come along just in time to get them out of going to another sexual harassment lecture. Since he'd been at NCIS he'd been to at least three, and he didn't think he could sit through another one of them, but since there had been a few new additions to the NCIS family, the orders had come down that everyone had to do them again, unless they were working an active case. He'd tried to ignore Kate's digs about being trained to harass, tried hard, but they had gotten to him. He excelled at reading people and giving them what they wanted, and he knew that she didn't take him seriously, so he gave her what she wanted, someone she could make fun of, get annoyed at and treat as if they didn't really matter, but deep down it hurt, he wanted to matter, to be friends. But he knew that she didn't see him that way, more of an annoyance that had to be put up with while she worked, but that was all she saw him as. The fact that Gibbs, Abby and Ducky valued him, treated him like he was important, that he mattered, that helped. That kept him sane, and there.

When they'd arrived at the scene he'd almost swore. He could see from where they'd parked the van that the scene was a wash. The LEO's had screwed up, and any evidence that they may have been able to find would be virtually useless. It was officers like these that gave all LEO's a bad name, almost made him ashamed to say that he had been a cop before he'd joined NCIS. He'd taken the opportunity to get start working what was left of the scene as soon as he could, but he'd kept an eye on Gibbs, and Ducky when he arrived. He hadn't been disappointed by the show. He'd learned back when he'd met them that they didn't suffer fools, and this LEO was one of the biggest fools he'd met for a long time. He'd listened as first Gibbs reamed the guy out and then Ducky had started. Ducky, who usually had so much compassion for both the living and the dead, could be as ruthless as Gibbs when he was faced with incompetence like this. It made him smile to see the both work.

But then he'd gotten swept up in the case, as he usually did. He needed to find the answers, to solve the case, to help find justice for those who deserved it, even those who didn't. The scene had been a wash out like he'd expected, and soon after they arrived Gibbs and Ducky were off to check the other scene out. He'd expected Gibbs to go with Gibbs, and had been a little hurt when he'd been told to stay and help Gerald, but as was usual he'd hidden his hurt behind humour and no one had noticed.

The case had ended up not being about drugs, but about a terrorist attack. It had taken all of them working together with all of their different backgrounds to pull it off and stop the attack from happening, but it had been close. As usual Gibbs had known his agents, knew what their talents and connections were and put them all to good use, whether it was Kate's connections or his ability to connect with people and get them to talk. He could see that they were going to make a good team, he just wished that some things were different.

But he'd enjoyed stirring Kate up, learning what buttons to push to make her laugh or to make her mad enough to look for other options to things. He fell back into the role of joker, helping to relieve the stress of their job when he could, and he found that Kate was the perfect sparring partner for that. It was a role that he'd learned early, and one that he kept falling back on. It made it easier for others to over look him, for him to hide in plain sight. It took her a while to catch onto what he was doing and why but once she did he knew that she looked forward to their arguments almost as much as he did. He also knew that Gibbs quietly enjoyed watching them argue, but he knew that Gibbs saw through his masks, his disguises, and took time to make sure that he wasn't lost behind them, that he still knew that there were people around him who knew him, knew his tactics of hiding and that they cared.


	6. Jeffrey White

When they had gotten the case about some stolen antiquities he'd suggested that he go under cover. He'd thought that he'd have to argue, but Gibbs had surprised him when he'd agreed before Tony had finished giving his opening arguments. He'd been gearing up for a fight, only to realise that Gibbs had agreed. He'd taken a moment to bask in the warmth that washed over him again when he realised that Gibbs still trusted his opinions and suggestions.

This operation had been set up with his input being key, he'd made up the back story, and they'd all worked to get it set up quickly. With all the precautions that they had taken, and with the team as well as Abby and Ducky behind him he was confident that they would succeed.

But things had been against them from the start, they hadn't had all the information that they needed, their suspect had proved to be more dangerous than they had reason to suspect, and the chase had lead them further than they thought it would. They had been prepared for something to happen to the tracker that Tony had on him, had almost expected it really, what with Tony's ability to track trouble to him and all.

But the thing that he hadn't counted on was the fact that he could relate to Jeffrey, that even though he was playing a character, he was acting, and trying to get information out of Jeffrey he was fast coming to like the guy. He hadn't been ready for the final showdown that he had had with Jeffrey, he'd wanted to give the guy a way out, but it wasn't to be. It had come down to either himself or Jeffrey walking away alive, and at the time even he hadn't been sure which way it would go.

Gibbs had turned up seconds after he'd had to shoot Jeffrey, he hadn't been able to make himself move when Gibbs had approached them, hadn't even been able to look up when Gibbs had opened the door. He had felt hollow, empty. He hadn't been able to take his eyes off of the gun that rest in his lap until Gibbs had gently removed it, then helped him out of the car. He'd watched as Gibbs had gotten the investigation of the scene under way and as Ducky had looked him over first, then he watched as Gibbs almost seemed to hover close by. Which he'd been grateful for when he'd taken a nose dive into the pavement. Gibbs had caught him and eased him down onto the ground, he heard Ducky and Gibbs talking with the EMT's arguing over whether he should be taken to hospital, but they had won and instead Tony had won a trip to Gibbs place to sleep and be looked after for a couple of days.

It had been strange at first, sure he'd been to Gibbs place before, but never under these circumstances. He'd never had someone to look after him, make sure that he was all right. He knew that Ducky had followed them back to Gibbs place and had checked him over again, and that they had agreed that all he needed was some rest and good food, and an ear to listen if/when he needed to talk. He'd struggled with it for a time, only giving in when he realised that he really wasn't in any shape to take himself home or look after himself. When the nightmare had come Gibbs had been there, reassuring him, soothing him, and urging him to talk about it. They'd sat up for the rest of the night just talking about what had happened. How Tony had come to think of Jeffrey as a friend, and the fact that he'd ended up having to kill his friend.

It was during this time that he realised just how much he had come to care for Gibbs. The only other person he had ever wanted to impress, who's opinion he had sought had been his father, but it wasn't a father figure that he saw in Gibbs, it was more. And that scared the hell out of him.


	7. Timmothy McGee

McGee had been different again, and he wasn't sure how to take the younger agent. First off he was already a part of NCIS, working out of Norfolk, but he'd been raw and had been given little guidance. But McGee had been working to get field agent status, and even in the beginning Tony could see that he was smart, and willing to do what was needed to get what he wanted. And he'd worked at it, working with them doing what was asked, making useful suggestions during the cases that they worked until Gibbs had offered McGee probationary field agent status on their team.

This was unusual, Gibbs read people well, and acted on his instincts quickly, which would account for all the marriages, but with McGee it had been different, he hadn't offered McGee a position straight away, instead he'd taken his time, watched and gathered information. So he'd taken his cue from Gibbs, and set about testing McGee, pushing him and seeing how much he could take, in his own way he was also helping the younger man. He liked McGee, as strange as it sounded, wanted to see him succeed, but Tony knew that to be able to do that he needed to be tougher, stronger than he was.

Tony knew that at times Gibbs would pit them against each other, not to hurt them, but to make stronger, to keep them on their toes as it were. No matter what the reason, when Gibbs did it to him he always took it to heart. He'd spend hours trying to figure out what he'd done to deserve it. He was also starting to learn that it was not always his fault, that when Gibbs had made digs, at times the digs that he thought were directed at him were actually directed at one of the others. It was a hard lesson to learn, and one that he was still learning. After all his father had taught him well that he was worthless, and deserved everything rotten thing that was thrown at him, and more.

But as with Kate McGee hadn't been able to see past his masks, he'd only seen what most people saw. But unlike Kate McGee also respected Tony, which Tony had found strange. Ok so McGee had already been with NCIS before Gibbs had offered him a spot on their team, and Gibbs was legendary at NCIS. If you hadn't heard of Gibbs within your first day there, then you obviously weren't paying attention. Gibbs was legendary for his ability to solve cases, his ability to get confessions out of people, and the fact that the second b in his name stood for bastard. No one went up against Gibbs and came out of the encounter whole. It was also well known that people tended not to last long on Gibbs team, which also meant that Tony had also gained a reputation as well, for having stayed with Gibbs for as long as he had with as little trouble as he had. Yes others had done it before, but the average staying time on Gibbs team was about three months.

When McGee had first been faced with Gibbs, Tony knew that McGee had been almost terrified and hadn't been able to get a full sentence out without stumbling over his own words. But something about McGee had struck a cord with Tony and he'd tried to ease the tension the younger man felt. But for the first time for a long time, he'd had trouble making someone believe that he liked them. McGee seemed to think that he didn't like him no matter what he did to try and ease McGee's way. So he'd once again reverted to the joker, the clown, the prankster. But he'd also changed the way that he joked, his pranks and needling had a purpose, one that most people didn't see. And that purpose had been to make McGee stronger, more able to handle the tough cases that he would one day face as a field agent, because Tony had no doubts that McGee would one day make it as a field agent.

In one Timothy McGee, Tony felt that he'd found the younger brother that he'd often wished he'd had when he was a child. He'd watched his friends interact with their brothers and sisters as he'd grown up, had at times wished that he'd had brothers and sisters of his own, to help make him feel as if he'd belonged somewhere. But in the end he'd also been glad that he had no siblings, no one else that had had to endure what he had, and for that he had been eternally grateful.


	8. Marines and Sewers

His father had always told him that he'd end up in the gutters, and he'd almost been right. They'd been investigating the missing marines, and he'd been sent back to the bar to ask some more questions and keep an eye open. He'd been talking on the phone to Gibbs when he realised that something wasn't right. At first he thought that maybe he'd had something alcoholic to drink, it was a similar feeling, a little woozy, a little light headed, but then he'd realised that whatever it was it was hitting him harder and faster than any drink had hit him in the past. He knew that he was in trouble when the world seemed to spin around him and his legs refused to hold him up, he'd tried to make it back to his car as he realised that he'd been drugged, had even apologised to Gibbs about stuffing up, and heard Gibbs calling out to him as he felt the drugs take hold of him, could hear the concern, but there had been nothing he could do.

When he'd woken up in the cell the first thing that registered was the overwhelming nausea and the heavy metal band that had taken up residence in his head. He hadn't felt that bad since the first time he'd gone clubbing with Abby, at least that time he knew that he'd had a good time. The first thing that he'd remembered was Gibbs voice calling out to him. He knew that Gibbs would be looking for him, but when he'd seen Atlas chained to the wall he'd also felt a wave of panic. He'd quickly squashed the panic and nausea down and made himself look for a way out of their prison. He knew Gibbs would be coming for him, but he also knew that the psycho who had kidnapped him and the marine in the first place would also be coming for them. He didn't want to leave it up to chance which one got there first so he'd fought his way out of the cell, and then through the maze that was the sewers. He'd never been so glad to hear anyone's voice as he had been to hear Gibbs, so it had been with renewed determination that he'd struggled on helping Atlas and staying ahead of their kidnapper.

When things had finally come to a head he'd been sure that his time was up. He was in a stand-off, he had been the only thing between Atlas and the psycho who had been extracting revenge. He knew that he had to buy some time for Gibbs to get there, to step in and save the marine, and yes he'd been worried, but in the bigger picture he knew he was expendable. When it was over, and the psycho had been dealt with he'd turned back to check on Atlas and had been shocked as the adrenaline that he'd been running on chose that moment to give out. If it hadn't been for Gibbs he would have collapsed face first into the dirty bricks that made up the sewer and proven his father right after all. He'd head Gibbs telling the others to help Atlas as Gibbs had taken a moment to check him over. Then they'd all made their way carefully and slowly back up to the surface to the waiting paramedics. Atlas had been quickly taken off to Bethesda, and Gibbs had stuck by his side as the paramedics had checked him over and made sure that he was in no immediate danger, but Tony knew that he was still in for a more detailed check up, complete with blood samples with Ducky when they arrived back at the office.

The trip back to the office had seemed to go by in a second, but that had probably been because once he'd been settled into the front passenger by a still hovering Gibbs he'd fallen asleep, only to be woken gently by Gibbs after they arrived. The nap that he'd had during the ride had been enough to make him feel jumpy, and being in the elevator hadn't helped so he'd taken the opportunity to push Gibbs into admit that he'd been worried, that he mattered, and Gibbs had given it to him. He couldn't stop the smile that almost split his face, until they'd exited the lift and Gibbs had told McGee to forget it because Tony was alive. His stomach had done a dive and he'd had to work at not throwing up. It had taken all his remaining strength not simply turn around and leave, or head to the nearest toilet and be sick.

He knew that Gibbs had been worried, he'd heard it over the phone, and in his voice when Gibbs had found him. The fact that he'd been worried enough to call in extra help to find him had to mean something as well, but then to throw it back at him that way was hard to understand. The fact that McGee had been sitting at his desk also unsettled him. He'd stood there for a moment as McGee had hurried to move, unsure what to do, until Gibbs had gathered his stuff and then ushered Tony back out of the bull pen and had taken down to see Ducky and get him fully checked over, and see what medical advice Ducky had to give him before then taking him home again.

The drugs that were in his system had played hell with him for a couple of days. Between the swinging emotions, the nausea, the headaches and the bouts of weakness that left him shaking he had felt like hell. But through it all Gibbs had been there, comforting him and supporting him, and it had meant more to him than any words could have. No matter how bad he felt, or how low he felt Gibbs had been there to catch him and help him back up.


	9. No Safe Place

They faced danger everyday, but none of them were expecting to be held hostage in their own building. But it had happened. They hadn't even known it was happening at first, not until Ducky had called demanding the evidence back, when Abby hadn't been able to force herself to take it down she'd gone looking for help. When he and Gibbs had arrived back in the bullpen, they found Abby pacing in front of the top ten photos arguing with herself and that Kate was missing. That had been when they realised that something wasn't right.

The day had started off as usual, he and Kate had been searching the room of a dead suspected terrorist, not that they'd found anything to back up the claims. But somewhere along the way he and Kate had ended up talking about nightmares. He still didn't know where that had come from, he usually didn't talk about his childhood or family, but for some reason he'd found himself sharing this information with her. When he'd thought about it later he'd been shocked to realise that he had felt comfortable enough, safe enough, to share this information with anyone, especially someone he knew would probably take this information and use it to tease him.

What made it even more amazing was the fact that he'd been with NCIS for two years now, and instead of looking for an out, looking for new place to run to he found for the first time he was actually happy where he was. These people he worked with everyday had somehow worked their way around his defences, made themselves important to him, had become family to him. It was what he'd been unconsciously been looking for all his life, somewhere he belonged, somewhere he fit. It had been then that he'd realised that he trusted these people, had been trusting them not to hurt him for some time if he was being honest with himself.

It had been frustrating and gut wrenching, every lead they had turned into dead ends, trying to find out anything about the hijacker who was holding their friends, their family had been the hardest. All of their contacts, all of their sources hadn't given them anything. It was as if the man with the gun down in autopsy didn't even exist. The less information that they'd been able to uncover the more nervous he became. He had a bad feeling about this, and nothing that they were able to find out had helped lessen his sense of foreboding.

When Gibbs had outlined his plan he'd like it even less. Part of him couldn't help but be please that Gibbs was trusting him to take point from the other direction. But he would have preferred to have been at Gibbs' back, he knew that part of the reason that Gibbs had sent him to lead the other attack was because by the time they had secured the way in the action inside would have been over, he knew that in his own way Gibbs was trying to keep him safe, protecting what he saw as one of his own, and that realisation had made him feel humble. It was not something that he was used to, hell his own father hadn't even felt the need to protect him, had actually kicked him out without a backwards glance. To know that he meant enough to someone that they wanted to protect him was a strange feeling, something that he didn't know how to take.

But he was nervous, very nervous, and his nervousness had come out as verbal diarrhea, but once the elevator door had closed so had his mouth. He had taken a moment to draw some comfort and strength from Abby before he'd left to follow his orders.

Everything had happened quickly once he'd been in position, he'd gotten the go ahead from Gibbs they'd moved quickly. He'd found the murdered agents on his way in and had even had to take out one of the conspirators before he'd made it to autopsy.

He'd been right when he'd thought that the situation would have been resolved by the time he got there, he knew that Gibbs had planned for it to go that way, but it still made him angry that he hadn't been there on his six, hadn't been there to stop Gibbs from getting shot. All he could be grateful for was that Gibbs was alive, in pain and unconscious when he'd arrived, but alive. It hadn't taken Gibbs long to come back to them, but it had been long enough for him to say a few prayers for Gibbs. He'd knew that how painful getting shot was, and he'd tried to stop Gibbs from moving, knowing that moving would cause him more pain, and possibly more damage, but he also knew that Gibbs needed to so he'd supported him. He'd also taken a moment to reassure himself that Gibbs was alive, and he knew that Gibbs understood that he needed to hold him because he'd also taken a moment hold Tony and reassure him that he was all right.

After everything had been cleared up, and all the paper work had been done he'd found himself driving to Bethesda. His mind was chaotic, tumbling from one thought to the next and back again fast enough to make him feel a little sick. It had been an exhausting day both emotionally and physically, but he knew that if he had gone home there would have been no way he would have slept. He would have paced, tidied his apartment, maybe watched a movie or two and then probably ended up heading back in to the office to work on some paper work or look through more cold cases, anything to keep his mind busy.

But instead he found himself in a hospital room, looking at his boss who seemed to be sleeping peacefully. He stood there for a while, just watching and thinking. His mind eventually settled onto one topic, the revelations that he'd had that day. The revelation that he'd been here for longer than he'd been anywhere since he was a child. The revelation that for the first time ever he wasn't looking for an escape, an out. The revelation that without even realising that he'd even been looking, he'd found his family. The realisation that he cared deeply for his family, and that his family cared just as much about him. The revelation that he'd do anything for Gibbs, follow him where he lead, and he'd do it willingly.

So he sat there, in the uncomfortable plastic chair, and watched Gibbs sleep, and tried to sort out some of the emotions that he was feeling. And eventually, some time before the sun came up he fell into a peaceful sleep, with a faint smile on his face.


End file.
